April 30, 2006
By Emily Struble
Times Herald-Record

When the man who eventually became Beth's husband first expressed interest in getting to know her, she wasn't sure she wanted to meet him.

"His online profile was a lot of what I always said I didn't want," said Beth, of Monroe. She had met 32 men through match.com and thought that she'd had enough of online dating. Plus, Chris wasn't the kind of guy that Beth had in mind.

"Ideally, I only wanted to date men who hadn't been married and without children," she said. Chris was divorced and had a kid.

But after a couple weeks of phone calls, Beth agreed to meet Chris - and she's thrilled that she did.

"On paper he wasn't what I was looking for, but in actuality he was exactly what I needed," she said.

Beth is just one of 40 million Americans who have browsed the Internet in search of love. This growing phenomenon has spawned countless Web sites and even a reality show, TLC's "Log in for Love."

With so many people "logging in for love" every day, it's not surprising that things go awry from time to time.

Carol, of the Town of Wallkill, tried online dating because she had trouble meeting men in conventional ways.

"When you're in that age group between 45 and 50, it's really hard to meet anybody because most people of that age are married," she said.

Carol is engaged to a man she met online, but she learned the hard way that you can't always trust what people say in their profiles.

The computer has two faces

Carol liked a profile she saw on cupid.com and arranged to meet "Paul" in New York. "Paul" said he was working for a German conglomerate and was posted in the states for a couple of years.

"He was charming, generous and fun to be with," Carol said.

But it was anything but fun when, three months after meeting, they checked into a hotel in San Francisco.

"He left his credit cards and driver's license on the nightstand in our room," Carol said. "To my horror, I discovered that he had a completely different name than the one he had given me when we met - both first and last names!"

Carol was in shock, but she didn't hesitate to confront "Paul."

"He gave me a sob story about having to protect himself from a woman who had stalked him after one date," she said. She later learned that "Paul" had a significant other waiting for him back home in Germany.

"This is someone I had really grown to care for," she said.

After "Paul" threw Carol for a spin, she spent several months away from the online dating circuit. When she was ready to move on, she met the man who will become her husband this August.

"When we met for the first time," Carol said, "the first thing I asked him was, 'Can I see your driver's license?"

Spelling counts

Of course, not everyone has to face such a serious problem when dating online. Sometimes it's the little things that trip people up.

Timothy, of New Windsor, heard that people were having success with online dating and decided to put up a profile.

"I tried match.com because I had heard a lot about it and it sounded like the biggest and coolest one out there," he said.

"It sounded great because you can actually see a picture of a girl first, read a little bit about her and then decide if you want to talk to her," he added.

Timothy just couldn't figure out why he wasn't getting responses to his profile. Then a friend pointed out that he made a minor mistake.

"What I meant to write was 'I am looking for a girl that will make me want to drop everything that I am doing just to be with her.'" Timothy said. "Sounds sweet right? But what I actually wrote was, "I am looking for a girl that will make me want to drop everyone that I am doing just to be with her."

It was a small mistake, but it may have affected many girls' decisions about responding to his profile.

"I came off sounding like a male whore," Timothy said.

He was quick to fix the error. He went on three dates with a girl he met on match.com but was not impressed with her.

"She turned out to be a letdown compared to the picture on her profile," Timothy said. "After three dates she still would not kiss me and never offered to pay or even split any dating cost like popcorn at the movies or anything."

Starry-eyed but wary

So what's the moral of the story? Proceed with caution.

"Online dating can be a great thing if you're smart and safe about it," said Beth.

"It does tend to be an emotional roller coaster at times, but it can also open up your world to those beyond your everyday boundaries."

Not your grandma's Internet dating

Mainstays such as eHarmony and match.com now have to compete with a newer breed of sites.

For example, pet lovers can find romance at AnimalAttraction.com. Members post profiles not only about themselves but also about their furry (or scaly, or feathery) friends. See sidebar.

Got friends in high places? Try airtroductions.com, where members can arrange a date with someone while flying from A to B. You might have seen Lisa Loeb try this on "Number One Single" on E!

HudsonValley.cupid.com is a popular site for people who want to find love locally.

And before trying those, you might want to check out DangersOfInternetDating.com.