March 30, 2005
Philadelphia Daily

SHORTLY after her divorce, Shelley Fleming signed onto an Internet dating site and began exchanging emails with a 6-foot, 3-inch tall New Jersey investment banker.

They started dating, but it was apparent pretty quickly that something wasn't right. Not only did the man repeatedly break dates with her, but he wouldn't call when he said he would. Eventually, Fleming discovered that not only had the man lied about being married - he'd lied about his own name.

So, she was more than a little pleased to learn yesterday about efforts underway in five state legislatures to make Internet dating safer. The Michigan bill, which is similar to bills being considered in California, Texas, Ohio and Florida, would require that dating service clients undergo criminal background checks every 90 days. Fleming wishes dating sites would be required go a little farther and verify marital status.

"You don't really know who these people are," she said.

A report also surfaced yesterday that the 33-year-old supermarket clerk who killed three people in King of Prussia last week had posted a profile on Match.com, an online dating service. John Eichinger, who also has admitted to a 1999 killing of another woman, described himself in his online profile as "a quiet person that can surprise people with a sudden outburst."

Match.com immediately removed Eichinger's profile. Yet, the fact that the guy was trying to find dates on the Internet got me wondering about the responsibility of web sites to protect the millions who use them. In January alone, 26 million visited dating sites, according to the Internet research firm Nielsen/NetRatings.

On the surface, the idea of having dating sites screen would-be users is appealing. Who wouldn't want the peace of mind of knowing that the stranger they're emailing isn't wanted for murder?

But such a law wouldn't have protected anyone from Eichinger, who reportedly had no criminal background. Nor can you rely on private firms that do background checks for sites such as True.com, which incidentally, is behind the push to get states to require the background checks.

So, although the efforts sound like a good idea, they could potentially give users a false feeling of security. When it comes to Internet dating, the best defense is using your own good sense - and trusting your gut instinct. Early on, Fleming sensed that something wasn't right and acted on her gut feeling.

By the way, Fleming's still cyber dating - although being more cautious than she used to be.

"I won't respond to people who don't have pictures up. I ask people about their situations. I even ask people to show me their drivers license. I want to know that they are who they say they are," she said.

So, is she worried about encountering another dishonest jerk?

"It's just like anything else," she said about Internet dating. "It's just like dating - period."