KVBC, Las Vegas
May 18, 2005

It's Saturday night, and you don't have a date. Your friend, on the other hand, has got 'em lined up one after another. You see, she's entered the world of online dating, one of the most convenient ways to meet people nowadays. But does she know what she's getting into? In Nina Radetich's Crime Tracker 3 report, the hidden dangers of online dating: One woman's harrowing story, and what you can learn from her experience.

"Any city you go to, whether it be Las Vegas or Podunk, people are going to say it's so hard to meet people in my city, but I just think it's hard in general." Hard to believe the woman voted Las Vegas' Sexiest Person in 2004 has ever had a tough time finding a date. Sonja Flaherty writes about her dating excursions in her relationship column in the Las Vegas Weekly. "It's about being single. There are good times, there's bad times, there's ups, there's downs."

Sonja has tried every avenue to meet people, partly for work partly because, "I am a romantic, I believe in love." Her logical next avenue? The internet. "This is pretty much what people do." She found a guy from California who piqued her interest. "I contacted him, and from the get go he was Mr. Good Guy, go to church on Sunday and am very close with my family." They corresponded for about a month, and eventually spoke on the phone. "I thought ch-ching... I struck gold." Before long, he'd planned a trip to come see her in person. "I said terrific. The first mistake I made was I said you can come to my house and pick me up." And they were off - to a popular local fundraiser, UNL-Vino. "Of course, at UNL-Vino there's a lot of wine involved. By the end of the evening, I was so infatuated, I thought, you know, this online dating, there's something to it."

The couple headed back to her house, where Sonja had big plans to give him a parting kiss in anticipation of their next date. Instead, he asked to come inside to use her restroom. She, in turn, went to the master bath to fix her lipstick. When she came out, he was sitting on her bed.

(Nina) "What were your thoughts at that point?"

(Sonja) "I was three sheets to the wind. We had been drinking wine all day. We were flirting. I had bubble hearts popping over my head."

What happened next changed Sonja's life forever.

"He put his hand over my mouth and was whispering in my ear the things he was going to do to me. I said please, please, just stop. He kept his hand on my mouth and he ripped my dress and tore it down, and he bit me." Sonja screamed. "I saw in his eyes what I perceived to be, if you yell again, I am going to really hurt you." So she did what she thought she needed to do to survive and laid there as he raped her. "I had trusted him, I had invited him into my home, and there was that little tiny part of me that thought, you know, look at the Sonja you have created in this column. She is sexy and sassy and flirtatious. And maybe she did deserve it."

For several months, Sonja believed it was her fault. She withdrew from her regular life, quit her job, even decided to sell her house until eventually, she sought help. One of the first things she did was to talk to her boss. After careful consideration, she decided to share her experience in her column.

(Nina) "What was it like writing that column?"

"Horrifying to say the least."

Horrifying, but somehow healing. Now she hopes other women will hear her story and think twice about their own safety, especially when dating online.

"Here's a news flash: People lie. And they will say whatever they need to say to sell themselves. They're creating a picture of who they think they are and putting it on the web."

Sonja says we should all remember the rules about strangers our mom set for us when we were young. "Meet in a public place; meet with friends for the first couple times. Get to know him. Find out about his family, his background. More than anything else, trust your instincts."

(Nina) "Will you online date again?"

"No, no I will not. I realized that when I tried the online dating thing - that if you're willing to pay 19.99 a month, you'll meet 19.99 guys."

Crime prevention specialists recommend you do everything you can to protect yourself if you do decide to try Internet dating. One of the best questions to ask yourself: Is it possible to determine if someone is the "right" person just by reading text? Also remember, never give a stranger too much personal information. There are some companies out there now that, for a fee, will do a background check on a potential date for you.

Safety Tips For Dating Online

1. Start Slow

Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. Begin by communicating solely via Match.com email, then look for odd behavior or inconsistencies. The person at the other end may not be who or what he or she says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection.

2. Guard Your Anonymity

All correspondence between Match.com members takes place through our double-blind system, ensuring your true identity is protected until you decide to reveal it. Never include your last name, email address, home address, phone number, place of work or any other identifying information in your free profile or initial messages. When corresponding with another Match.com member, turn off your email signature file. Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for personal information or attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it.

3. Exercise Caution And Common Sense

Careful, thoughtful decisions generally yield better dating results. Guard against trusting the untrustworthy; suitors must earn your trust gradually, through consistently honorable, forthright behavior. Take all the time you need to test for a trustworthy person and pay careful attention along the way. If you suspect someone is lying, he or she probably is, so act accordingly. Be responsible about romance, and don't fall in love at the click of a mouse. Don't become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online. If you mutually decide to cross the point of no return, be smart and protect yourself. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention provide some of the most current information available about sexually transmitted diseases and preserving your health.

4. Do A Little Digging

Because privacy is of the highest importance at Match.com, we do not require our members to submit to background checks. We do, however, encourage members to do their own research on potential love matches. We recommend getting as much info as possible by asking questions, utilizing Internet search engines (try www.ask.com) and most importantly, using common sense. Nothing is 100% reliable, just remember to use your head as well as your heart. (By the way, if you want to look into background checks on your own, simply perform a search using your favorite Internet search engine - many companies supply them!)

5. Request A Photo

A photo will give you a good idea of the person's appearance, which may prove helpful in achieving a gut feeling. In fact, it's best to view several images of someone in various settings: casual, formal, indoor and outdoors. If all you hear are excuses about why you can't see a photo, consider that he or she has something to hide.

6. Chat On The Phone

A phone call can reveal much about a person's communication and social skills. Consider your security and do not reveal your personal phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone number instead or use local telephone blocking techniques to prevent your phone number from appearing in Caller ID. Only furnish your phone number when you feel completely comfortable.

7. Meet When YOU Are Ready

The beauty of meeting and relating online is that you can collect information gradually, later choosing whether to pursue the relationship in the offline world. You never are obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level on online intimacy. And even if you decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change your mind. It's possible that your decision to keep the relationship anonymous is based on a hunch that you can't logically explain. Trust yourself. Go with your instincts.

8. Watch For Red Flags

Pay attention to displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts to pressure or control you. Acting in a passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation:

Provides inconsistent information about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona.
Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.
9. Meet In A Safe Place

When you choose to meet offline, always tell a friend where you are going and when you will return. Leave your date's name and telephone number with your friend. Never arrange for your date to pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a public place at a time with many people around (a familiar restaurant or coffee shop is often a good choice), and when the date is over, leave on your own as well. Refrain from drinking excessively, as it could impair your ability to make good decisions. If at some point you and your date decide to move to another location, take your own car. When the timing is appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say goodbye.

10. Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area

If you are flying in from another city, arrange for your own car and hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to contact your date at that location or leave a message on a home machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans and has your contact information. And if possible, carry a cell phone at all times.

11. Get Yourself Out Of A Jam

Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the scene for help or slip out the back door and drive away. If you feel you are in danger, call the police; it's always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your behavior; your safety is much more important than one person's opinion of you.

While liars, cheaters and impostors certainly ply their craft on the Web, you'll also find them in nightclubs and offline dating services, cocktail parties or even sitting across from you at your local café. Regardless of where you meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity, but a little caution will reduce your risk in matters of the heart.

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